CANCER CURED: Re: [cancercured] Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer

Bravo Nancy--you need to stay away from negative (controlling) family or friends. I see mine only on family Christmas gatherings. You can't help it if you were born in a disfunctionaly family (I was too) when you grow up==you don't have to see them on a regular basis, if you don't want to.
I am blessed with many wonderful friends and we respect our choices, even if we do not agree--true friends. We laugh all the time at each other and ourselves--I don't know what I would do without their support. You need to love yourself and be surrounded by people who also love you. The hardest change I made was learning to say NO. I now choose what I want to do for someone--no more doing from guilt or whatever.

Pattie

--- On Sun, 7/19/09, dorrnancy <dorrnancy@yahoo.com> wrote:

> From: dorrnancy <dorrnancy@yahoo.com>
> Subject: [cancercured] Co-Dependency and Recovery from Cancer
> To: cancercured@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 7:56 PM
> I have come to the realization that I
> have serious co-dependency issues, putting everyone else
> first in my family and trying to please them and not myself.
> It's so odd, that every time I have had a recurrence, I end
> up taking care of OTHERS. But part of it is the fear that I
> am going to die and I want to love and care for people as my
> last act in this world.
>
> I recently returned from a visit to a family member, and
> unbelievably we got into an argument about me eating raw
> foods. This relative is overweight and has a dominant
> personality which I can easily fold over and try to please
> her instead of myself. But when it got to the third time
> that she wanted me to take "just a bite" of the homemade ice
> cream she had made, filled with organic cane sugar, I
> finally hit the roof and said, "I need you to respect my
> diet. I have continually asked you all day to not tempt me
> with foods with sugar. Cancer feeds on sugar. Why are you
> trying to sabotage me? I don't even know if I am going to
> live even if I DO eat raw foods."
>
> I picked up my belongings, the food in my refrigerator and
> as I was walking out the door said, "I can't come down here
> again if you aren't going to respect my raw foods diet. I am
> not asking you to eat this way. But I am fighting for my
> life." Unbelievably she said to me, "Well, I don't think you
> should come down either until you eat some cooked foods
> because I like sharing my meals."
>
> Sometimes I have wanted to die to escape the dsyfunctional
> family I grew up in and the one I created myself (or at
> least helped to). Cancer is a way out.
>
> I just had to get this out because I want to change. It is
> hard for women especially to put themselves first as we are
> trained from the time we are little girls to please others
> and to put others first. Joan Lunden said once, "From the
> time men are little boys, they are raised to have tremendous
> self-worth in the eyes of society." Now, I know this is a
> blanket statement, as men suffer too and many have grown up
> in abusive families. But women are expected to give and
> people take and take and take from us and we are supposed to
> sit back and SMILE. We are supposed to love our children at
> our expense into adulthood and give up our lives as
> duty-bound mothers. We get paid less then men and get lower
> social security checks because of it.
>
> I want to take a stand right now and say: CO-DEPENDENCY NO
> MORE. Everyone in my family can take care of their own
> needs, including emotional, mental and financial ones. It is
> not up to me to support others at a time when I am fighting
> for my life.
>
> I am putting myself FIRST. Everyone is a grown up and can
> manage their own lives. All I have to do is take care of ME.
>
>
> So, there!! I got it off my chest. Any other co-dependents
> out there struggling with selfish family members?
>
> Nancy Dorr
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
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